Hopefully I won’t see any of this tomorrow, but just in case…you may want to be prepared. Seriously, I hope y’all enjoy tomorrow morning. God has given me a message I think we all need to hear and I’m anxious to spread the Word!
Things to do during a boring sermon:
* Pass a note to to the organist asking whether he/she plays requests.
* See if a yawn really is contagious.
* Slap your neighbor. See if they turn the other cheek. If not, raise your hand and tell the preacher.
* Devise ways of climbing into the balcony without using the stairs.
* Listen for your preacher to use a word beginning with ‘A’ then ‘B’ and so on through the alphabet.
* Sit in the back row and roll a handful of marbles under the pews ahead of you. After the service, credit yourself with 10 points for every marble that made it to the front.
* Using church bulletins or visitor cards for raw materials, design, test and modify a collection of paper airplanes.
* Start from the back of the church and try to crawl all the way to the front, under the pews, without being noticed.
* Raise your hand and ask for permission to go to the rest room.
* Whip out a hankie and blow your nose. Vary the pressure exerted on your nostrils and trumpet out a rendition of your favorite hymn.
* Chew gum; if the sermon goes on for more than 15 minutes, start blowing bubbles.
* Try to indicate to the minister that his fly is undone.
* Unobtrusively draw your arms up into your sleeves, turn your shirt around backwards.
* Try to raise one eyebrow.
* Crack your knuckles.
* Twiddle your thumbs.
* Twiddle your neighbor’s thumbs.
* Wiggle your ears so that the people behind you will notice.